Over the last three years I became incapable of being embarrassed or annoyed with my mother, because I realized that I owe 50% of my personality to her.

Here are three things about Van Aukens that makes us conundrums:

• Why the hell aren’t you getting off your ass and helping us clean?
• OMG they don’t know how to clean right, this is torture please sit back down.

• We worry all the time, about you in particular. We’re just worried, okay?
• We drink to get drunk.

• We don’t give a damn, and you can go to hell!
• Yes I will be your scratching post/door mat.

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